Joke Judge Gifts

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

I won't lie, it doesn

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

Antonin Scalia

Justice

"Impartiality becomes you."

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Judge

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

McWit Legal College

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

'Oh, boy!'

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'I'm leaning towards not leaning towards anything.'