Joke-loving Jurist Gifts

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"Not guilty?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Impartiality becomes you."

Justice

Antonin Scalia

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"Can you hear me now?"

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Clive Anderson

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

Judge

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'I'm part of the drug culture. All I ask is that you respect cultural diversity.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."