Joke-loving Judge Gifts

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Court's in recess!'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

Judge

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

Computer questionning a witness.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

Hanging Judge

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

'Oh, boy!'

'I'm leaning towards not leaning towards anything.'