Joke-loving Judge Prints

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Court's in recess!'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

Justice

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

Computer questionning a witness.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Hanging Judge

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

'Oh, boy!'

'I'm leaning towards not leaning towards anything.'