Joke Judge Pillows

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

Antonin Scalia

Justice

"Impartiality becomes you."

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

McWit Legal College

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

'Oh, boy!'

'I'm leaning towards not leaning towards anything.'

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'