Court Jokester Pillows

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

'What's the idea of telling everyone I cheat at tennis?' - 'Sorry, I didn't know it was a secret.'

'Yours Partner!'

"Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

Gary turns 40.

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

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"He belongs to a lawyer."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Arrogant junior barrister

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Justice

The hour of justice

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife