Courtroom Jokester Pillows

"My attorney says your attorney had to take the bar exam three times."

'The jury find the attorneys guilty of twisting the facts, the witnesses guilty of lying, and you, Your Honor, guilty of snoring.'

Enters a plea of a big man and ran away

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Yes, we do offer free legal advice, but to be honest it isn't as good as the advice we charge for.'

'Can we recess for the day? I have to renew my liability coverage.'

'Didn't you get my email?'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but my client would prefer to be innocent. Does that work for you?"

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

Did we get any new clients today, Sally? No, but an ambulance just went by outside

"Maestro, a little sentencing music, if you please."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"My attorney was pro bono and pro plaintiff"

'I hate it when court's out in recess.'

'Judging by your client's frequent flyer miles, bail denied.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."