Courtroom Jokester Pillows

"My attorney says your attorney had to take the bar exam three times."

'The jury find the attorneys guilty of twisting the facts, the witnesses guilty of lying, and you, Your Honor, guilty of snoring.'

Enters a plea of a big man and ran away

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Yes, we do offer free legal advice, but to be honest it isn't as good as the advice we charge for.'

'Can we recess for the day? I have to renew my liability coverage.'

'Didn't you get my email?'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but my client would prefer to be innocent. Does that work for you?"

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."

"Maestro, a little sentencing music, if you please."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"My attorney was pro bono and pro plaintiff"

'I hate it when court's out in recess.'

'Judging by your client's frequent flyer miles, bail denied.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''