Justice Jokesters Gifts

'Am I your first blind date?'

Court. No, you only get an attorney. You can't have a court appointed girlfriend.

'The jury foreman says they need more time to find the quarter they were flipping!'

'If you haven't done anything wrong, why did you hire a lawyer?'

'How come you lock up the jury overnight, and send the prisoner home?'

"Can you handle things by yourself for a few weeks? I've been called for jury duty."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Arrogant junior barrister

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

Justice

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

McWit Legal College

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'