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Talk about your tough judges †I was the bailiff!

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Mou...Man trap!

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

Law 'N' Order

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

Penitentiary (No Criminal Testing).