Judicial System Humorist Gifts

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Judge

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

'Oh, boy!'

A Good, But Not A Supreme Court

'Orders in the court'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.