Justice System Satirist Gifts

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"The jury has found you guilty. Let's see how America voted."

Prison Cell: Mearn, Gingham & Wickerman

“How do we get my trial moved to the U.S. Senate?”

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'It's the Governor -- he wants to know if anybody here has a campaign contribution for him.'

'We find him guilty... but hey... we could be wrong!'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'If you can't afford one, the court will appoint a spin doctor to handle your conviction by the media...'

Justice.

R.B. Milmous - Eligible for parole in five years.

"You are sentenced to 10 years in prison for robbery, plus 15 years extra for having a lawyer that yesterday parked in my private parking space!"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'He started it!'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"I got probation."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

Jury Room

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."