Justice System Satire Gifts

'The Jury has found you not guilty of robbery.'

Minority Report

"I got probation."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

TOO SLOW

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

'I plead not guilty by reason of money.'

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

"Move to strike as non-responsive."

"It was merely a few warning shots to get the witness's attention, your honor!"

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"Pay attention! This is important!"

"We find the defendant very telegenic."

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

Santa Claus wanted poster.

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'

"Let's focus on the case before you start thinking about befriending a guard."