Justice System Satire Gifts

'The Jury has found you not guilty of robbery.'

"I got probation."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

TOO SLOW

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

'I plead not guilty by reason of money.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"Move to strike as non-responsive."

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"We find the defendant very telegenic."

"Pay attention! This is important!"

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

Santa Claus wanted poster.

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'

Roger Stone

"Let's focus on the case before you start thinking about befriending a guard."