Justice System Satirists Pillows

"Hey, new guy. What are you in for?"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'He started it!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I got probation."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"Parts and labor?"

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

TOO SLOW

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

"Move to strike as non-responsive."

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

Attorney at law - Rates: JusticeObstruction of Justice.

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'