Satirical Justice Pillows

"So, I understand we're shifting our focus from maximum profits to minimum security."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Yawning barristers in court

'He started it!'

"I got probation."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

The annual running of the lawyers.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"You have the right to remain silent, anytime you cry can be used against you...."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

TOO SLOW

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

"It was merely a few warning shots to get the witness's attention, your honor!"

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

Must you be so judgmental?