Prison System Satirist Pillows

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

"I got probation."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"Parts and labor?"

TOO SLOW

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"It was merely a few warning shots to get the witness's attention, your honor!"

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"We find the defendant very telegenic."

Convict Decor

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

Santa Claus wanted poster.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'In with the warden !'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, don't let my parents think they wasted money sending me to law school!"

"Try and give me... happy."

'The Jury has found you not guilty of robbery.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''