Social Justice Satirist Gifts

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"I'd love to fight racism but it's just so much easier to eat ice cream."

The prying mantis,

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Horse statue throws off rider.

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

"I'm after the history section."

Inhospitality tent.

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

Wine tasters...

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'