Socially Conscious Satirist Gifts

Pre-Old Blues

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

Winter Weather.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

Inhospitality tent.

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Wine tasters...

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

Pizzas