Legal Satirist Gifts

"I don't know if it's me or the system, but it seems harder and harder to make a mockery of justice."

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"8 guilty,3 not guilty and one peperoni pizza with extra cheese"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'

Attorney at law - Rates: JusticeObstruction of Justice.

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'He started it!'

'My client will make a substantial payment in restitution if your client agrees to accept partial responsibility due to his choice of building materials.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'It's a new State law, sir -- you need a background check and a 14-day waiting period for the chili.'

'I knew it was illegal, Your Honor, but I had no idea you felt so strongly about it.'

"You're fit to stand trial, Mr. Douglas, so feel free to get out there and commit a crime."

"No, ma'am. Perjury is not a woman's prerogative."

"Man, what kind of times are we living in when in law schools they don't even teach you how to threaten witnesses and how to bribe judges and cops. . ."

"First, let's hear it for the plaintiff."

"They dropped the charges, but want to keep you in overnight just to see if the crime rate goes down."

Greeting Cards: Executions

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"I spilled my iced coffee in my lap and I think I got freezer burn. Do I have a case?"

Judge with 'Cruel' and 'Unusual' desk trays.

Necrophilia Laws Strictly Enforced.

'I got two years for armed robbery, and ten years for not reporting it to the IRS...'

'A pardon It's like a legal technicality designed to take away your three squares a day,'

"Calm down! This wood doll is the best attorney ourcompany ever had."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Guilty - Innocent

"Your honor, we've not been able to seat a jury of his peers."

"Are these your medical records?"

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

Adult Crime, Childish Thinking Time

Child Crime, Child Time

"Permission to treat the witness like gum stuck to the bottom of my heels?"