Legal Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

Legal cartoon about lying on the witness stand.

'Your digestive problems are caused by parasites called 'giardia' and my high fee is caused my parasites called 'malpractice lawyers'.'

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

"It might not have a bearing on the case- but the defendant has parked in your space."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Yes, I technically did give illegal orders, but I naturally expected that the integrity of my subordinates would prevent their being carried out.'

'I like to begin with a joke, so I'm going to give you my opponent's side.'

'We find the defendant, not very interesting.'

'Stop saying 'that's a good question' and start answering them!'

'I robbed the bank because I wanted to make a DIFFERENCE!'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'No, you first.'

'Don't think of my client as a sex offender, Your Honor - think of him as having special needs.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

"Bad news. It's a jury of your peers."

Illegal sex acts.

'We request a change of venue to a place where the juries are more naive.'

'One final question. Is the person who drove you out of control that night in this courtroom today?'

'I think your best bet is to hang yourself in your cell.'

"Did you or did you not remove a slip of paper from this flier without really intending to learn how to play guitar?"

"Your Honor, I ask you – is this the toupee of a successful adulterer?"

'There's an obscenity case coming up about a topless restaurant.', 'Let me be the judge of that!'

"I have decided I want a maid and a nanny in my divorce settlement. Can you get me that?"

'Your Honor, my client requests that we skip the trial and move directly to the book-deal phase.'

Court Reporter Machines Just Reduced for Quick Sale.

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'You have the right to remain silent...!'

Should I be encouraged by your robe, your honor? No. It's just laundry day. Have a nice verdict.

No, seriously, you have the right to remain silent. Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap. K-9.

What do you mean bipedalism is patented?

I'd like this man to be declared a hostile witness, your honor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."