Legal Satire Gifts

'Perhaps you would like to rephrase your last answer.'

"I don't know if it's me or the system, but it seems harder and harder to make a mockery of justice."

Turkey pardoned by Trump still faces state charges.

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Well, on the bright side, this got me out of jury duty.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'Since you can't afford an attorney, one will be inflated for you.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'Just as a precautionary measure; is there any way you can get rid of that mask?'

"You have the right to remain silent, anytime you cry can be used against you...."

"I'm going to miss these Alito hearings when they're over. Let's get some of the boys together and pull the wings off a few flies, break some windows and drown a sack of puppies!"

Two witnesses say you took the money, But 10 witnesses say I didn't.

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

Justitia (Justice). I'd feel a lot better about Justice being blind, if the guide dogs weren't all lawyers. (Published previously on 1/10/2000.)

I'm holding you in contempt, counselor

Hey. Are you really a lawyer? Yes. Good. I killed Cock Robin.

"Wait, they might be lawyers!"

Trial by Media

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"I got probation."

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."