Supreme Court Satirist Gifts

'In a five to four decision today, the Supreme Court said 'Leave us alone, and we'll leave you alone.''

About That Lifetime Appointment Thing

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'He started it!'

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"I got probation."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Our class-action suit covers any carbon-based life forms.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

Equal Time for All Christians

Jury Room

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

TOO SLOW

Permission to approach. Granted. Denied.

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"