Courtroom Satire Gifts

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Now that's a win."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We make crime pay."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Not guilty?"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

Yawning barristers in court

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

A baby in court

Sue The Bastards

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Justice 4 Ron

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"