Courtroom Satire Seeker Gifts

"May I assume that when you say I should spend the rest of my life behind bars, you are just expressing your opinion?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Not guilty?"

A baby in court

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

He was good. Real good.

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"Wait! First, his attorney."

Equal Time for All Christians

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."