Courtroom Satire Fan Gifts

"My incompetence will become the basis of your appeal."

We couldn't decide if you're guilty or not, so we're just going to burn the roof of you mouth.

'Anyone who's troubled by viewing the victim's corpse is free to leave the courtroom at this time.'

'There's an obscenity case coming up about a topless restaurant.', 'Let me be the judge of that!'

Judge laughing at a clown.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

Sue the Author 3PM

"Now that's a win."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"They're class action figures."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

Sue The Bastards

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'