Satirical Courtroom Fan Gifts

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Sue the Author 3PM

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"They're class action figures."

Sue The Bastards

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I demand to see a lawyer. May I say, you've come to the right place.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"