Courtroom Satire Fan Prints

"My incompetence will become the basis of your appeal."

'There's an obscenity case coming up about a topless restaurant.', 'Let me be the judge of that!'

Judge laughing at a clown.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Sue the Author 3PM

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Sue The Bastards

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"They're class action figures."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'