Courtroom Humor Gifts

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Your reason for non-attendance last time was, 'I'd seen too many courtroom dramas on telly and didn't fancy it'.'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

"Calm down! This wood doll is the best attorney ourcompany ever had."

Law Firm of Stonado & Stonato - Personal Injury

'Why am I sitting up here so high? Because I have long legs!'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"My attorney was pro bono and pro plaintiff"

'Mind if I borrow some of your 'infirm' stuff to get out of jury duty?'

'Just as a precautionary measure; is there any way you can get rid of that mask?'

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

"The visual aids budget is a little low."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."