Humor In The Courtroom Gifts

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

A baby in court

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

The hour of justice

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

Counsel examining witness

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'