Humor In The Courtroom Gifts

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

A baby in court

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

The hour of justice

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

Counsel examining witness

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'