Courtroom Humor Lover Gifts

Legal cartoon about lying on the witness stand.

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'So far, everything you say is HEARSAY.'

'You can plead 'guilty' or you can plead 'not guilty,' but you can't plead 'no problem.''

'Your Honor, my client wants a lengthy period of solitary confinement... he wants to write a novel.'

'You want the truth, the whole truth or nothing but the truth?'

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury... my client hates being in jail.'

The First Plea Bargain

"Of course I stand behind my work, counselor. I'm a proctologist."

"I object, your honor! Plaintiff's argument is irrelephant!"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."