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Legal cartoon about lying on the witness stand.

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'So far, everything you say is HEARSAY.'

'You can plead 'guilty' or you can plead 'not guilty,' but you can't plead 'no problem.''

'Your Honor, my client wants a lengthy period of solitary confinement... he wants to write a novel.'

'You want the truth, the whole truth or nothing but the truth?'

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury... my client hates being in jail.'

The First Plea Bargain

"Of course I stand behind my work, counselor. I'm a proctologist."

"I object, your honor! Plaintiff's argument is irrelephant!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"