Courtroom Humorist Gifts

'Don't spread it around, but on the really tough ones, I just go with 'eenie, meenie, minie, moe.''

"How did this case ever get so far?"

Lawyer lists his billable hours on tombstone.

'Perhaps you would like to rephrase your last answer.'

"It was WORSE than guilty! - The jury found me NONCOMPLIANT!"

"Don't make me come down there."

'Has the jury tweeted a verdict?'

"The Court finds itself on the horns of a dilemma. On the one hand, wiretap evidence is inadmissible, and on the other hand I'm dying to hear it."

'The demeanor of this judicial panel doesn't bode well for your appeal.'

'I don't care what the judge says, I'm not disregarding that last statement'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'Yes, I did accept an apple from my third-grader, Billy Smith, but there was no quid pro quo.'

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'Jury of my peers? That's a laugh. How many of you ever kill a guy?'

"Please confine your testimony to "Yes" or "No" answers and skip the "Nevermore" stuff, OK?"

ACME LAW FIRM, 'We've got to find some outside clients -- We can't make a living just suing each other.'

"8 guilty,3 not guilty and one peperoni pizza with extra cheese"

'Have you found a precedent? Yes, you did the same crime in 1974.'

"Objection, Your Honor! The prosecution is combining dog years and people years in a callous and deliberate attempt to confuse the witness."

'Your mastery of the facts is no match for my opinion.'

'It's innocent or guilty. There are no do-overs.'

Normally I don't judge a book by its cover...(book entitled 'Guilty as Sin').

A dog on trial with an all cat jury

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

'Yes, I did accept an apple from my third-grader, Billy Smith, but there was no quid-pro-quo.'

"I didn't realize, Your Honor. I assumed the law here was the same as in New Jersey. As you may know, dog eat dog is permissible there."

"It might not have a bearing on the case- but the defendant has parked in your space."

"Your Honor, we, the jury, find this one too close to call."

'The highest court in the land.'

"My wife wouldn't like anything reversible. She's a judge."

'A fair trial was probably too much to expect with His Honor hailing from Boston and my client being a known Yankee fan!'

"I must warn you that, Judge, Farrell, is known for his long sentences."

'My client never actually SOLD secrets to the Chinese, your honor,.. he traded them for firecrackers.'