Humorist Judge T-Shirts

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

Computer questionning a witness.

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'We need our lawyers to perform CPR on this group...Confuse, Perplex and Rattle.'

'Oh, boy!'

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'I've been sued. Can I counter-sue for the stress caused by being sued?'

'Orders in the court'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

Evaluating the humorousness of cartoons.

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'