Law-defying Jokester Gifts

'No emergency, Officer. The top number on my speedometer is 150 mph and I wanted to try it.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

'They come down here to smoke.'

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

HEY!

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

'I'm leaning towards not leaning towards anything.'

"Maestro, a little sentencing music, if you please."

Antisocial Behaviour