Humorist With A Legal Twist Gifts

'I'm afraid my gag order also applies to thought balloons, counselor.'

'Throw yourself on the mercy of the court...'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Loopholes

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'