Law-loving Humorist Gifts

"There better not be anything in there about the lust of food."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We make crime pay."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'