Humorist In Legal Setting Gifts

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Loopholes

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'