Law Breaker Humor Gifts

"When I saw you tearing down here, I thought 50 minimum."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

Corporate Lawyers

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

We Remove Lawyer Residue

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"Guilty times infinity."

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"He's my attorney, whatever happened to attorney-client privilege?"

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

A barrister with his first brief

Pleading the fifth is one thing, counselor. Drinking it is quite another.

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'