Heartbreak Humorist Gifts

"I never meant to hurt you."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"No refunds."

"Help! Help! I've fallen and I can't get over my old girlfriend!"

". . . If a girl throws your prospectus in the trash, she's not the girl for you."

'There's nothing more to talk about, George! It's all over!'

Phoenix

Barman In Love.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Brian the dog#3 - Brian now realised he was NOT man's best friend.

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Caterpillars in love

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

A dog with a heart shaped hole in his body

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

Valentines

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

I know you can't forget, but you should learn to forgive...

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Kissing Hands

"I know you're a brain cell, but can't you act more like a heart cell?"

Tunnel of Love - LGBT Friendly.

"To think our very existence hinges on your bloody headache!"

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

A heart flies out during an operation.

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'By this time next year you'll be with someone new. You'll tell her about today and laugh. You'll laugh that snorty little piggy laugh of yours. She'll throw you out too.'

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

Heart ailments