Heartbreaker Gifts

'He's gone off me-he had a FULL tank!'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

Woman's Support Group: No Bra, No Griddle, No Service.

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Walk or don't. You're a grown man. Make your own decisions.

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

"Worst breach of corporate dress code I've ever witnessed."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

Blues artis's daily list

'Read that last part back to me.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'Oi mate! No hoods in the shopping mall.'

'I hate having to go outside for a cigarette!'

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

Henrietta was never one to conform to society's labels. She preferred to think of herself as an 'off-Rhode lsland Red'...

'I'm sure it's a violation, but I can't find it in the rule book.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."