Little League Hero Gifts

'It's really your fault for not keeping your window open.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

I love Basketball.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

Think globally. Act locally.

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

Athletic Darwinism.

Sportsmanship

Llama training

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.