Little League Supporter Gifts

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

A boy with a football

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

"A game similar to baseball was first played in the Olympics in 1996." I didn't think "Jeapardy!" had any softball questions.

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

Half time entertainment at many small clubs was a bit basic.

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

Sportsmanship

Who won what game?

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

"That was two what?"

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

"Tyler lost interest in baseball once he tried old-time boxing."

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

One cappuccino please, and I wanted to give you this. A note. How formal. Dear small local independent coffee house ... I went to Starbucks this morning. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? What if I agree to purge what I ate? The written apology is sufficient.