Little League Gifts

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

'Gotta take ya' out kid, seems you've thrown your arm out again.'

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

'My dad won't let me take steroids until I'm seven.'

"Your little league coach traded you?"

Knocked it out of the park

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

Sportsmanship

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

Little League Umbrellas

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"Tyler lost interest in baseball once he tried old-time boxing."

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."