Little League Enthusiasts Gifts

Thanks to the amazing new Zap-a-Slacker, parents are able to send a mild electrical current to their daydreamy Little Leaguers.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"Always carry a ball with you! If you are chased by a dog, stop, show the ball and throw it. Believe me, he won't be able to resist chasing it instead of you..."

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

All Star Team.

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

A Cat about to smash into a Goldfish Aquarium for a meal.

Adding people with a background in music has made the team better. The new hitting coach is just like clarinet player Benny Goodman. Benny Goodman was "The King of Swing"! Nobody is better with that instrument than this guy. That's why he's playing first bass! The rock star with bat cleanup for the team. He'll have some big hits this year! And the opera singer will be the new ace on the mound. Thanks to the perfect pitch!

'Remember that summer we coached little league?'

Arcade Game Baseball.

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

As smart as he was, Albert Einstein could not figure out how to handle those tricky bounces at third base.

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

Pitching problems.

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

Mr Met

'A three means I want to break for a hot dog.'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'Nasa finally runs out of ideas for new missions'. Colour