Little League Fan Gifts

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"The Norse berserkers were a lot like your dads at Little League games. Just less intense."

Little League in the Trump era

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Sheltering in place.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Monster Baseball

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

All Star Team.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

'He's not a skilled pitcher. In fact, he throws like a nerd...'

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'