Little Baseball Fan Gifts

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Vendor selling testosterone.

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Try letting the ball come to you."

Monster Baseball

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

"Easy on the fast balls, will you, kid?"

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'The meat of their order is coming up.'

'He's not a skilled pitcher. In fact, he throws like a nerd...'

A boy with a football

Baseball.

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

'Time out! He needs a hug!!'

'The nurse wanted you to pee in THIS type of cup.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

Clinic. Let's see … Have there been any injuries, digestive disorders or malpractice suits today? Nope - No hits, no runs, no errors.

'No glove. No hat. No shoes. ... I'm sorry, Andy, but I'm bringing in a new pitcher. You just don't have your stuff today.'

What would happen if Shakespeare lived centuries later and tried being a baseball umpire? Out, damned spot! Out, I say! Can you explain the infield fly rule. It is madness yet there is method in it! What's in a name? A rose by any other name would hit as sweet! Fair is foul, and foul is fair. You should stick to writing.

'Me? Argue? ...No, sir! That was an excellent call.'

"A game similar to baseball was first played in the Olympics in 1996." I didn't think "Jeapardy!" had any softball questions.

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

Ahhh, spring baseball.

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!

Sports Medicine.

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

"Hey! What's with the 'home run trot'? You struck out!"