Youth League Supporter Gifts

"So who are we playing today? The Giants?"

"I AM at my usual position."

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'My goldfish died. I over-watered him.'

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

Football merchandising - 1953.

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

ASBOs

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."

'Guys! Everyone yelling ‘What the hell' in unison is not my idea of team spirit!'

"Okay everyone come and get your helmets and pads - players' sizes on the left, parents' on the right."

When travel soccer leagues get out of control.

'You can argue until you're blue in the face, Todd. But you rolled your eyes, and Adolescent Ref is not going to change his mind!'

Alex Ferguson

One cappuccino please, and I wanted to give you this. A note. How formal. Dear small local independent coffee house ... I went to Starbucks this morning. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? What if I agree to purge what I ate? The written apology is sufficient.

'Stop it! Stop it, you two! If you keep fighting about it, then neither one of you will get to be 'coach's bench buddy'...'

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

'Soccer Mom's Diner.'

This scrimmage, I'll assess your individual talents. Coach. I'll be checking out each of you! Though that would have been easier

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."

Small store loses out to glossy big store

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

I'd rather be playing video games but I can't quit Little League...

Soccer Uniforms

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"