Youth Leagues Gifts

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."

Football Fans

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

We encourage the playing of games with other children.

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

Sportsmanship

Little League Umbrellas

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

Listen up, team! There will be no trash talk. No harassing the refs. No throwing elbows. Understand? Yes, coach! Ok, kids! Go play! Coach.

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."