Youth Leagues Pillows

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."

Football Fans

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

We encourage the playing of games with other children.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

Sportsmanship

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."

Little League Umbrellas

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"See - it works in my fantasy research league."