Youth Sports Gifts

'Guys! Everyone yelling ‘What the hell' in unison is not my idea of team spirit!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'...If you really loved me, you'd transfer me to a preschool with a winning team.'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

'Ooooh! Look at this everybody... apparently Mikey here got called up!'

Sportsmanship

"Don't laugh, you should see him catch fly balls."

'Sorry, kids, but I had no choice. Your parents' constant interference was making it impossible for me to coach.'

'...And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you medalling kids!'

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

Hey, no penalty! Are you blind? That 10 year old was asking for it!

'That's my mom. The restraining order won't let her get within shouting distance of the ref.'

The trauma of losing.

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

'We've got an application from a Bank asking if we'd like to sponsor a branch.'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

Football Fans

"You know, we could easily handle this peacefully, but there are too many adults on the field."

"Your little league coach traded you?"

Knocked it out of the park

Listen up, team! There will be no trash talk. No harassing the refs. No throwing elbows. Understand? Yes, coach! Ok, kids! Go play! Coach.

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"OK, let's try the old 'tell Mommy her sweatpants make her look skinny distractor' on three."

"Remember, son, it's not about winning ... it's about not embarrassing me."