Youth Athlete Gifts

"That Timmy's a real trouper-he's playing with a sprained ankle and head lice."

Football Fans

The trauma of losing.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Exercising

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

Multisports

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

A boy with a football

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

Student to kid: 'School first, then Mount Everest.'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

"This has been quite a season for Zobrowsky—a hundred an twenty-nine receptions, sixteen touchdowns, a B-plus in English, a B in philosophy, an A in political science, and a B-minus in French!"

'I don't mind being sent off Sir - but not during the warm-up!'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

"I have goals in life. Just last week I scored three goals!"